My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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