Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
