fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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