no, he came in my armpit
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
