i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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