cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
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