I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
