if you like me you must not know who I am
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
