trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
