He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
