Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
God, I missed his penis.
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