Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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