Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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