Someone shit on the floor
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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