just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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