Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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