I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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