so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
