Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
