my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We're too hungover to prance.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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