Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
