I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
