College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
