We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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