May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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