We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
