Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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