If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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