Someone shit on the floor
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
