Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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