I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize