You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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