I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
