lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dear god my vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
