i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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