i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
