I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize