i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
