Soap is not a condiment
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
