And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize