so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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