So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
