At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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