I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We had to coat check the pizza.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
