I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
