i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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