fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
