if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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