Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
