great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
