well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
