i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
