I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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