Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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