I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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