I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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