Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
