It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
