why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
