Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
