I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
