I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize