Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
