so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
