If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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