kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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