she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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