i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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