I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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